"But their minds were hardened. For to this day, when they read the old covenant, that same veil remains unlifted, because only through Christ is it taken away." - 2 Corinthians 3:14
Amen!! All glory to our Lord! I praise Him for regenerating your heart, Hunter, and even using you prior to your conversion, to help lead others to Christ. You are such a blessing and I'm so thankful He has brought you to Himself and has graced you with the accompanying assurance. We have such a merciful and gracious God! He is so faithful and mighty! He raises the dead to life!
I am going through this now an I am in tears as I write this. I hope that you will see this and pray for me. I am terrified. I have repented and I am completely broken by my sin. I have been in a roller coaster the last month with condemnation and accusations from Satan that are overwhelming. I believe that the Holy Spirit brought me to repentance..which I prayed for wisdom. Please pray for me and if you see this.
What a wonderful testimony. I also strongly suspect I was a false convert for many, many years. Not long ago, Hebrews 6:6 haunted me, for I wondered if perhaps I'd sinned beyond repentance, and if a second chance would be impossible. But I remembered that Christ said, the one who comes to Me, I will not cast out, and I dared believe. I am, however, conflicted about whether I should get rebaptised. I was baptised once in 2015, but seeing as that was most likely a false conversion, I wonder if that even counts. What would be your advice to someone like me?
I was re-baptized, but if I had it to do over again I would not be baptized twice. At the time I was not given a very good theology on baptism and made my choice based on a lack of knowledge. But over time what I have come to understand is that baptism is just your identification with the visible church. If you have been baptized once, there is no need to be baptized again, even if you fell away for a season or you realize later you weren't truly regenerated. The timing is not as important as your continuation in the faith with the body of Christ. I fall under more of a paedobaptist view rather than a credobaptist view. A credobaptist would say that baptism /must/ follow regeneration (and that is fine in the case of new converts who did not grow up in the faith). But a paedobaptist would say that baptism can occur before /or/ after regeneration.
Ultimately, the choice is yours, but I hope this helps!
Thanks for the reply! I personally always held to a credobaptist view, but the Early Church Fathers did not seem in favour of rebaptism, so I hestitate. On the other hand, some of them believed based on Hebrews 6:6 that if you sin willfully after baptism, you can never be forgiven, which would than mean both you and I are toast. If God indeed decreed such, it would be just, nonetheless, that view seems to conflict with verses in Ezekiel and Isaiah 55 which promises salvation to all the truly repentant.
Anyway, long story short, I realised I was a sinner at 17 and made a profession of faith, asking Jesus to forgive my sins and even getting baptised, but the next 10 years were quite frankly a disaster. My theology was orthodox and I was fortunate enough to have an eye for detecting false teaching, and enjoying the sermons of Tim Keller, John Piper, etc., but I struggled with assurance of salvation. Some friends assured me that I was OK, but they did not know just what a sinful trainwreck I was behind closed door. I even read X rated books and justified it by thinking it wasn't real p--n, and my prayer life was shoddy and weak. I felt no real connection with God.
About two years ago, I woke up to the danger I was in. I threw the X rated books away, wept in repentance, and decided to ask God for help. Yet I was haunted by verses like Hebrews 6:6 and Hebrews 10, wondered if I'd sinned beyond repentance. I still had no assurance of salvation. Again, my church friends assured me, but I wasn't convinced.
I read sermons by Charles Spurgeon, and he cautioned his readers not to be "seekers" on the fence forever, but to come to Christ. He cautioned us not to trust in a decision, or feelings, or even our faith as proof of salvation, but plain trust - a trust in the promises of God - a trust that trusts Him to remove all our sins. On March 22, I thought I had trusted in Him at last, and felt happy, but that happiness soon disappeared as the same questions came: how I know I wasn't self deceived? I was in misery for another week.
But yesterday, while frantically researching Hebrews 6:6, I realised, all this searching will profit me nothing. I just need to trust that Jesus is indeed willing to remove all my sins, and keep trusting in Him. That alone. And that alone.
I prayed no sinner's prayer this time.
I do not feel any grand change within me, nor any "great sense of peace", but the sense of fear and condemnation I used to have seems to have disappeared. That being said, Paul tells everyone to "make their calling and election sure". While my previous problem the past week that I was so afraid of making another false profession that I was afraid to put my trust in Christ, I also acknowledge that it is still wise to "make one's calling and election sure". How in your opinion shall I do this, without falling into the same trap of doubting and overthinking to the point of unbelief (that is, the paradox of so fearing false conversion, that I hardly dare to trust in Christ at all)?
Our stories sound very similar! And it does not sound like baptism is your great concern.
I understand your fear of not taking your conversion seriously enough and, at the same time, overthinking it. You have turned your face to Christ and begun walking in repentance. You have trusted him. Just keep going now. Tomorrow you make that choice again. And then again the next day. And again. The assurance will come. The justification is done; the sanctification is gradual. But it is guaranteed. You must only keep picking up that cross one day at a time. You will begin to feel it is truth in your spirit what you have confessed with your mouth the longer you walk.
I recommend reading Pilgrim’s Progress as a comfort and good means of assurance. I am actually reading through it now on my podcast if you want a recommendation for a good edition of the book.
I have read bits of Pilgrim's Progress, but not the whole thing. I have however read John Bunyan's testimony in "Grace Abounding", and relate very much to his fears of being unpardonable, though my circumstances were different from him (his fears stemmed from struggles with intrusive thoughts, and while I also struggled with intrusive blasphemous thoughts in 2024-2025, my primary concern was whether post-baptism sin rendered me a veritable Judas).
I'm currently trying to remember what happened when I was 17 to see what went wrong. I did see that I was a sinner - having cyberbullied a girl that year - and I did ask Jesus to forgive me, but something must have been defective. I suspect it was either than 1. I saw some of my sins as sin, while neglecting other sins and handwaving them, 2. I might not have fully trusted in Jesus's blood as my only hope. It's hard to remember because it was so long ago... I'm in my late 20s now. But I would like to remember.
On baptism: I guess I need to pray for guidance regarding this matter.
It feels so weird to call myself a "new believer" when I thought I was saved at 17. But oh well. Better wake up now and repent and trust the Lord, than come to a nasty surprise in the afterlife.
Sure! It is sort of a vague question, so the answer will sound generalized, but I am plunking along in the faith! I am part of a biblical local church, I study my Bible as much as I can and write about it here, I catechize my children during the school year. Just looking forward to the new heavens and the new earth with Christ!
I am glad to be more specific if there is anything more personal you’d like to know. :)
Thats great:) Im on a sort of similar journey. After a journey similar to the beginning of yours, I was afraid about 6 years ago that I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit. That led to deep dread and anxiety. I was able to shove it to the back of my mind but in that lead to hardening my heart in a lot of ways. I am looking for hope for my heart to be revived, renewed and softened. Your story was helpful. Have you ever feared that?
I understand! And I am so glad this was helpful. I never had that specific fear, but I am sure the caliber of dread and anxiety you had was comparable to my own. Have you studied the unforgivable sin? I am sure you have and I am sure by now you have concluded it does not relate to you! Still it is hard to shake that kind of “trauma,” if you will. I still have to be very careful about certain things so as not to trigger that same dread again.
Yes I have extensively and still feel a bit confused. Yeah im having to not think about it if I want relief but also don’t want to pretend I am saved if I’m not. So it’s been hard. I appreciate your feedback!
You are tender to the subject; take heart in that! All that you need to do is stop measuring yourself and measure the sufficiency of Christ any time you are tempted to do the former.
I am active on my Instagram if you ever want to send a DM and talk more. <3
Thank you for sharing your testimony 🙏🏼 does your church have an online service? I would love to watch. I feel like I’m still trying to understand what the gospel really means to me everyday.
Hey, I am so sorry I am just now seeing your comment, Kendra! It got overlooked somehow. I am still glad to send a link if your request is still applicable. 🙈
Your testimony is similar to mine and it brought tears to my eyes reading it!! Praise God for His goodness and mercy!!! Thank you for sharing ❤️
Amen!! All glory to our Lord! I praise Him for regenerating your heart, Hunter, and even using you prior to your conversion, to help lead others to Christ. You are such a blessing and I'm so thankful He has brought you to Himself and has graced you with the accompanying assurance. We have such a merciful and gracious God! He is so faithful and mighty! He raises the dead to life!
I am going through this now an I am in tears as I write this. I hope that you will see this and pray for me. I am terrified. I have repented and I am completely broken by my sin. I have been in a roller coaster the last month with condemnation and accusations from Satan that are overwhelming. I believe that the Holy Spirit brought me to repentance..which I prayed for wisdom. Please pray for me and if you see this.
I am praying for you, Andrea! Please feel free to send me a private message if you want to talk. 🤍
What a wonderful testimony. I also strongly suspect I was a false convert for many, many years. Not long ago, Hebrews 6:6 haunted me, for I wondered if perhaps I'd sinned beyond repentance, and if a second chance would be impossible. But I remembered that Christ said, the one who comes to Me, I will not cast out, and I dared believe. I am, however, conflicted about whether I should get rebaptised. I was baptised once in 2015, but seeing as that was most likely a false conversion, I wonder if that even counts. What would be your advice to someone like me?
I was re-baptized, but if I had it to do over again I would not be baptized twice. At the time I was not given a very good theology on baptism and made my choice based on a lack of knowledge. But over time what I have come to understand is that baptism is just your identification with the visible church. If you have been baptized once, there is no need to be baptized again, even if you fell away for a season or you realize later you weren't truly regenerated. The timing is not as important as your continuation in the faith with the body of Christ. I fall under more of a paedobaptist view rather than a credobaptist view. A credobaptist would say that baptism /must/ follow regeneration (and that is fine in the case of new converts who did not grow up in the faith). But a paedobaptist would say that baptism can occur before /or/ after regeneration.
Ultimately, the choice is yours, but I hope this helps!
Thanks for the reply! I personally always held to a credobaptist view, but the Early Church Fathers did not seem in favour of rebaptism, so I hestitate. On the other hand, some of them believed based on Hebrews 6:6 that if you sin willfully after baptism, you can never be forgiven, which would than mean both you and I are toast. If God indeed decreed such, it would be just, nonetheless, that view seems to conflict with verses in Ezekiel and Isaiah 55 which promises salvation to all the truly repentant.
Anyway, long story short, I realised I was a sinner at 17 and made a profession of faith, asking Jesus to forgive my sins and even getting baptised, but the next 10 years were quite frankly a disaster. My theology was orthodox and I was fortunate enough to have an eye for detecting false teaching, and enjoying the sermons of Tim Keller, John Piper, etc., but I struggled with assurance of salvation. Some friends assured me that I was OK, but they did not know just what a sinful trainwreck I was behind closed door. I even read X rated books and justified it by thinking it wasn't real p--n, and my prayer life was shoddy and weak. I felt no real connection with God.
About two years ago, I woke up to the danger I was in. I threw the X rated books away, wept in repentance, and decided to ask God for help. Yet I was haunted by verses like Hebrews 6:6 and Hebrews 10, wondered if I'd sinned beyond repentance. I still had no assurance of salvation. Again, my church friends assured me, but I wasn't convinced.
I read sermons by Charles Spurgeon, and he cautioned his readers not to be "seekers" on the fence forever, but to come to Christ. He cautioned us not to trust in a decision, or feelings, or even our faith as proof of salvation, but plain trust - a trust in the promises of God - a trust that trusts Him to remove all our sins. On March 22, I thought I had trusted in Him at last, and felt happy, but that happiness soon disappeared as the same questions came: how I know I wasn't self deceived? I was in misery for another week.
But yesterday, while frantically researching Hebrews 6:6, I realised, all this searching will profit me nothing. I just need to trust that Jesus is indeed willing to remove all my sins, and keep trusting in Him. That alone. And that alone.
I prayed no sinner's prayer this time.
I do not feel any grand change within me, nor any "great sense of peace", but the sense of fear and condemnation I used to have seems to have disappeared. That being said, Paul tells everyone to "make their calling and election sure". While my previous problem the past week that I was so afraid of making another false profession that I was afraid to put my trust in Christ, I also acknowledge that it is still wise to "make one's calling and election sure". How in your opinion shall I do this, without falling into the same trap of doubting and overthinking to the point of unbelief (that is, the paradox of so fearing false conversion, that I hardly dare to trust in Christ at all)?
Our stories sound very similar! And it does not sound like baptism is your great concern.
I understand your fear of not taking your conversion seriously enough and, at the same time, overthinking it. You have turned your face to Christ and begun walking in repentance. You have trusted him. Just keep going now. Tomorrow you make that choice again. And then again the next day. And again. The assurance will come. The justification is done; the sanctification is gradual. But it is guaranteed. You must only keep picking up that cross one day at a time. You will begin to feel it is truth in your spirit what you have confessed with your mouth the longer you walk.
I recommend reading Pilgrim’s Progress as a comfort and good means of assurance. I am actually reading through it now on my podcast if you want a recommendation for a good edition of the book.
I have read bits of Pilgrim's Progress, but not the whole thing. I have however read John Bunyan's testimony in "Grace Abounding", and relate very much to his fears of being unpardonable, though my circumstances were different from him (his fears stemmed from struggles with intrusive thoughts, and while I also struggled with intrusive blasphemous thoughts in 2024-2025, my primary concern was whether post-baptism sin rendered me a veritable Judas).
I'm currently trying to remember what happened when I was 17 to see what went wrong. I did see that I was a sinner - having cyberbullied a girl that year - and I did ask Jesus to forgive me, but something must have been defective. I suspect it was either than 1. I saw some of my sins as sin, while neglecting other sins and handwaving them, 2. I might not have fully trusted in Jesus's blood as my only hope. It's hard to remember because it was so long ago... I'm in my late 20s now. But I would like to remember.
On baptism: I guess I need to pray for guidance regarding this matter.
The important thing is /today/. 🤍
It feels so weird to call myself a "new believer" when I thought I was saved at 17. But oh well. Better wake up now and repent and trust the Lord, than come to a nasty surprise in the afterlife.
Thank you ❤️
Where are you in your journey now if you don’t mind me asking?
Sure! It is sort of a vague question, so the answer will sound generalized, but I am plunking along in the faith! I am part of a biblical local church, I study my Bible as much as I can and write about it here, I catechize my children during the school year. Just looking forward to the new heavens and the new earth with Christ!
I am glad to be more specific if there is anything more personal you’d like to know. :)
Thats great:) Im on a sort of similar journey. After a journey similar to the beginning of yours, I was afraid about 6 years ago that I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit. That led to deep dread and anxiety. I was able to shove it to the back of my mind but in that lead to hardening my heart in a lot of ways. I am looking for hope for my heart to be revived, renewed and softened. Your story was helpful. Have you ever feared that?
I understand! And I am so glad this was helpful. I never had that specific fear, but I am sure the caliber of dread and anxiety you had was comparable to my own. Have you studied the unforgivable sin? I am sure you have and I am sure by now you have concluded it does not relate to you! Still it is hard to shake that kind of “trauma,” if you will. I still have to be very careful about certain things so as not to trigger that same dread again.
Yes I have extensively and still feel a bit confused. Yeah im having to not think about it if I want relief but also don’t want to pretend I am saved if I’m not. So it’s been hard. I appreciate your feedback!
John 6:37.
You are tender to the subject; take heart in that! All that you need to do is stop measuring yourself and measure the sufficiency of Christ any time you are tempted to do the former.
I am active on my Instagram if you ever want to send a DM and talk more. <3
Thank you for sharing your testimony 🙏🏼 does your church have an online service? I would love to watch. I feel like I’m still trying to understand what the gospel really means to me everyday.
I will email you a link, Dasha!
Hi, what a powerful testimony. Can you send me a link also?
Hey, I am so sorry I am just now seeing your comment, Kendra! It got overlooked somehow. I am still glad to send a link if your request is still applicable. 🙈