The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book as we wrap it up during the month of April!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book as we wrap it up during the month of April!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book as we wrap it up during the month of April!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy me an Irish Breakfast tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I am dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

The publishers of this edition graciously granted me permission to record and publish myself reading their copy on my podcast for you!

I have read a few different versions of The Pilgrim’s Progress, but this has been my absolute favorite. Barry Horner did an excellent job of retaining the original story while making it easier to read. The language is not too old, but it’s not too modern either. It also includes plenty of footnotes and all the references for the scriptures John Bunyan was illustrating as he wrote.

I’ll be dramatizing The Pilgrim’s Progress on my podcast this month, but if you would like to purchase a copy of this edition for yourself, you can purchase it here:

The Pilgrim’s Progress Revised & Edited by Barry Horner.

But if not, I hope you’ll enjoy my reading of the book across the month of March!

(Reminder: My theological content will always be free, but if you would like to support my work, you can always do so by temporarily upgrading to a paid subscription or leaving a tip on my Buy Me A Coffee page by clicking the button below—of course, I’ll be using it on Irish Breakfast Tea instead.)

Buy Me an Irish Breakfast Tea

I read summaries of the 11-page story. I read the beginning. I read the end. I skimmed the middle. I became nauseous and terrified.

The story was called I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison. I don’t link it on purpose, because I don’t recommend reading it unless you have a strong stomach and a reason to punish yourself.

For that same reason, I keep my summary brief: it is the tale of a supercomputer that has destroyed all of humanity, save five humans whom it has kept alive for over 100 years to starve and torture them until one of them manages to mercifully kill the other four, leaving only himself. And the computer, who hates humans to an unfathomable degree completes the misery he has inflicted on his only remaining victim by turning him into an eternal, gelatinous blob that can perceive everything, yet do nothing. “I have no mouth, and I must scream”—the last rumination in his narrative.

It sickens you to read even that, does it not? It is a perfect depiction of hell, is it not?

And yet, it is upon us.

Handing Over Our Humanity

Now, do I believe that a super computer will arise to destroy us all? Well, yes and no. No, because there’s no way on his own green earth that God would allow such nonsense that arguably competes with the hullabaloo at the Tower of Babel. But, also, yes, because here’s the reality:

Every day more and more people are giving more and more of themselves away to the overlord of “The Golden Age”—Artificial Intelligence. Their mundane tasks, their art, their literature, their entertainment, their aspirations, their research, their relationships, their problem-solving—for every person holding the helm hard to starboard in an attempt to turn our world back to analog, there are more giving up parts of their lives to the Beast of Ease. Not because they want to, but because it’s just too easy. And the more you feed it, the more you feed it. And, in the first place, there are many ways in which we don’t have a choice in its inclusion in our lives as companies are packaging AI into everything as standard practice.

Putting aside the fact that AI requires horrific amounts of energy, water and minerals to run and is destroying the environment.1 Putting aside the fact that AI is driving huge swathes of people out of the workforce.2 Putting aside the fact that AI experts put the chance of AI leading to human extinction anywhere between 10 and 90%.34

(Interesting Read: AI 2027 Tabletop Research)

PUTTING ASIDE the fact that we have entered the singularity where man must begin to merge with machine (trans-humanism) in order to survive AI’s self-preservation instinct because it is very close to officially outsmarting us.5

Research is consistently showing that using AI to complete tasks—whether difficult or mundane—literally handicaps your cognitive faculties, robbing you of everything that makes you human.6 In no uncertain terms, you begin to lose your ability to think. By this a vicious cycle is set in motion, a downward spiral into mindless consumption as the process of thinking becomes less and less accessible.

If this is not a machine that can succeed in debasing us into eternal, gelatinous blobs, is it not figuratively the judgment on a population that has willingly chosen to live exactly as if that were the shape of things?

Granted, it’s not all of us, but it is a temptation that is far too easy to belittle and dismiss only to later quietly justify when a problem becomes too hard or, alternatively, too easy to solve with just a little help. The problem is, like every small concession, a little becomes more and more and more.

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A Frictionless Futility

God’s ultimate earthly judgment is spelled out in Romans 1:

“For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things…
Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen…
And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.” - Romans 1:21-25, 28

In the past, man made his gods to resemble the animals. They were unwitting symbols of his actions in the sight of God. His Darwinian behavior is no different now, yet he has evolved beyond the animal kingdom to worship something he’s deemed better represents his wisdom than an eagle or a goat. Now he has the machine.

(From one of my favorite literary channels: AI Is Here to Stay, and No One Cares.)

Where once the pagan man resembled a ravenous instinctual beast, filling his belly with the blood of his fellow creature for survival, now a strange unnatural extension of his self-interest has taken shape. He still behaves this way, but his hunt is more comfortable; the race to the bottom of his appetite has been relieved of its strain, its friction, its challenge.

With this new development has come the necessary step of creating new gods. We’ve moved beyond our Anubises, our Pans, and our Ganeshas—primitive and outdated representations of our collective wisdom. What mankind invents to worship always reflects the condition of his heart; and it isn’t right to say man has outgrown these symbolic representations of his nature, but it is fair to say he feels he has outgrown them.

Now, rather than tire himself out in his pursuit, he smartly stares into a black mirror—sleek, bloodless, and efficient. It’s a new, frictionless futility. Is he god for being attended to so unceasingly? Or is he now ruled by the god which unceasingly pervades? If anything, it is a distinction without a difference—he can’t tell and he doesn’t really care.

I Have No Mind

The exponentially increasing ways in which we are able to self-actualize without the friction of challenge, hardship, or creativity leads to a stagnation of mind that eerily mirrors that sad victim of the supercomputer in Ellison’s short story:

How can we not look around and see this steadily becoming our reality? Without an active fight, we are losing ground as “dumbly, [we] shamble about” finding little reason to keep thinking, leaving the slimy impression that we’ve treaded ground here, but making no impact.

It’s been noted that the final rumination of the blob in the story isn’t just a description of his own sorry existence, but actually describes the way the supercomputer “feels,” for it is a machine that can know and perceive infinitely and, yet, do nothing. Thus, it has doomed its victim to the same fate. Cursed to dwell stationary in its cage, all knowledge at its fingertips, but no way to interact with the world, to create, to truly be. It is a frictionless existence, entirely without strain.

In a vacuum without reference to the subject, we might use these terms to describe our conception of heaven—frictionless, without strain, all knowledge at our disposal, no hardship. And yet this life without struggle—or even, increasingly, without the ability to struggle—ironically and ultimately leaves us with nothing but a mental cage, which is to say: no mind at all. And what else could describe hell but an eternal knowing without knowing?

And I Must Think

I want to be confident that enough of us hate it that we turn back. But, as it stands, we a) don’t seem to have a lot of choice—the algorithm and its conveniences are too lucrative for its investors and are thrust in our faces without respite—and b) it’s getting easier every day to outsource the things that make us human; the temptation to read the meta summary at the forefront of every cursory thought grows with each search.

We’re tired, we’re overwhelmed, we just want ease and to ascertain the answers without the stress of thinking. Who can blame us? The world has become harder to navigate with purpose or courage or determination as the ages pass. Right now we live in a brief liminal moment where we are exhausted by the trajectory of the future and there are things still needing to be done, yet the means to do them absent-mindedly aren’t quite in our grasp. But once that grasp is too easily secured, will we still be able to retain our human shape?

Can a man scream if he has no mouth?
Can a man be if he cannot think?

And that is the choice before us as we slip quickly into this new age. We must think. It is our nature to think. To think is to be human, to be human is to think. To surrender our thinking is to live in a stationary cage, all knowledge at our fingertips, yet no way to interact with the world, to create, to truly be.

Scream while you have breath.
Think while you have life.

Revolt against the outsourcing of your humanity. Refuse to give even a foothold to cognitive convenience. Resolve to keep your mouth and your mind, for one cannot even begin the laborious transcendent process of renewing their mind (Rom. 12:2) if it has fled into futility. Never surrender to the frictionless futility, even if it hurts, even if it feels like you’re the only one, even if the friction kills you.

Without a fight, we are slowly slipping into a madness that can only be described in terms analogous to the words of the miserable, eternal blob: I have no mind, and I must think.

We must think.

We must think.

As someone aspiring to be a professional writer, the gaps can be embarrassing. But I’ve had to learn to get over that and recognize that life gets overwhelming and priorities shift sometimes.

The CrashLady Summer

I think this gap began with what I’ve coined The CrashLady Summer™. I re-read Sink Reflections by The FlyLady this past summer; I always turn to this book when I need to get out of a life-management funk, and this year was as dysfunctional as any other. Overwhelmed by the details of modern life, I decided to slow down and just clean my sink. And that I did. Every day. For two months. I got up, dressed all the way down to my house shoes, and made sure the kitchen was spotless before I moved on to anything else for the day.

After two months I had a nervous breakdown. Like, catatonic-laid-out-in-the-driveway nervous breakdown. (I’ve heard that when you become unregulated, laying on the floor is good medicine, so it was honestly a good faith effort at re-calibrating.) I “crashed out” as the kids say nowadays.

And why? The house was cleaner than ever! Shouldn’t the reduction in external chaos calm my inner chaos?

Turns out, no. Because there was not a moment leftover for me to sort through my inner life. I’ve learned that whatever is going on in the world around me doesn’t necessarily affect my mental health. It’s my mental health that determines the state of the world around me. Without ample time to think, imagine, and process all the organic material that arises in my mind, I can’t function. Bottom line: I need time to create.

So how did crashing pan out?

I spent the rest of the year taking more than my fair share of time to create. Up to this very last day of the year I have been surrounded by chaos, but excited by possibility.

Late Summer

My ascent into creative heights began almost immediately after my depressive slump. It started with my decision to use up as much of my acrylic yarn and poly fill as possible by making all the kids in the neighborhood amigurumi stuffed animals for Christmas. I started this project in August and met my December deadline by the skin of my teeth.

Autumn

In the midst of my crochet marathon, I made a batch of elderberry syrup from the elderberries I had harvested and dried earlier this summer. I have pounds of elderberries in the pantry that I purchased before our own berry canes matured, so I am usually able to get an initial batch from our backyard and produce subsequent batches for the rest of winter from our stockpile.

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Later in the year I participated in a gift exchange with the women at church and made another batch for the recipient of my gift when she noted that she loved handmade local items. But, she also wrote that she loved baking, so…

…I also whipped out some leftover muslin cotton I had from some previous sewing projects and made her an apron.

When I finished all that blasted crocheting, I never wanted to make another stuffed animal again, but I was not ready to quit and I picked up this granny square vest I made probably two years ago to finally weave in the dozens of loose ends that had made me throw it aside when I had originally finished it (hello, large gap in a project).

The Holidays

As the weather got colder and I had more excuses for staying indoors to work on more projects, a dear friend sent me an unexpected and wonderful gift just in time—a gift card to Wool & the Gang, where I could pick out a project along with all the merino wool necessary to knit myself a sweater. And I’ve been busy with that for weeks now! I picked this beautiful terra cotta color (18 balls, to be exact) and chose this slightly more challenging bubble knit pattern:

I was motivated by my several handmade accomplishments, so I decided to venture into creative territory I remain severely under-experienced in and, frankly, tend to be averse to. I baked a gluten-free snickerdoodle cake for a friend whose birthday is on Christmas day. I realized halfway through the process (which took me all day) that I had no way of transporting it to our Christmas potluck as I am not a baker and do not bother with keeping superfluous baking supplies on hand.

So, I called on a trusty neighbor to borrow her… I believe I called it a cake transporter…

That reminded me of a great story I got to tell the potluck bunch when I showed up with a scruffy looking cake that apparently was scrumptious enough (I don’t know, I was so fed up with the thing I didn’t taste it) so as to fool all tasters into thinking I was familiar with cake and/or gluten-free baking. And it went like this:

Only to find out at a much later time that she was a:

.

.

.

.

PROFESSIONAL PASTRY CHEF.

The End.

A Return to Homemade Gifts

But that wasn’t the end because she has ever since been the sweetest neighbor I can always count on, especially in the event that I need a “cake transporter” or any other baking assistance.

And after a season of embracing a slower handmade method of connecting with others, she gifted me a loaf of homemade sourdough and a wooden Connect Four game that she made herself.

The conclusion I came to after several months of just making things (and receiving several homemade/handmade gifts for Christmas this year) is that I really want return to this slow pace of producing more than I’m consuming. It’s challenging to find other people sometimes that appreciate this way of living. Or maybe it’s just that we don’t talk to each other enough to realize there are plenty of us that feel this way.

I guess what I’m saying is this: in 2026, don’t be afraid to take your pitiful cookies to a neighbor to introduce yourself, or bake an ugly cake for a friend who’s had a tough years, or sew an apron out of scraps for a lady in your church (even if she can’t use it right now cause she’s like 8 months pregnant), or crochet lopsided stuffed animals for the kids in your neighborhood just cause it looks lame on the shelf next to their Nintendo Switch. And don’t be embarrassed when there are long periods of time between your creative endeavors or attempts to better the world around you. Just pick up where you left off and keep going.

These are the little ways we turn society around and get back to that slower handmade life we are all craving. Set the example, however messy, however ugly, however unappreciated (looking at you, kid who shook the fire out of the alligator that took me weeks to craft).

You’ll find people who feel the same along the way.

Happy New Year!

“Man, who is born of woman,
is short of days and full of trouble.
Like a flower, he comes forth, then withers away;
like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure.
Do You open Your eyes to one like this?
Will You bring him into judgment before You?
Who can bring out clean from unclean?
No one!
Since his days are determined
and the number of his months is with You,
and since You have set limits
that he cannot exceed,
look away from him and let him rest,
so he can enjoy his day as a hired hand.
For there is hope for a tree:
If it is cut down, it will sprout again,
and its tender shoots will not fail.
If its roots grow old in the ground
and its stump dies in the soil,
at the scent of water it will bud
and put forth twigs like a sapling.
But a man dies and is laid low;
he breathes his last, and where is he?
As water disappears from the sea
and a river becomes parched and dry,
so a man lies down
and does not rise.
Until the heavens are no more,
he will not be awakened or roused from sleep.
If only You would hide me in Sheol
and conceal me until Your anger has passed!
If only You would appoint a time for me
and then remember me!
When a man dies, will he live again?”

- Job 14:1-14a

Death. We are all touched without exception. There is, of course, literal death where the body expires and decays. But, in scripture, “death” isn’t always death. We’ve rubbed elbows with this idea—we often talk about “dying to self” as Christians, or “putting to death” the deeds of the flesh.

The Paradigm of Life & Death

There is a fine line of misunderstanding in Christendom today between the prosperity gospel and the biblical gospel. The prosperity gospel says that a Christian should be wealthy, should have good health, and should have a good name in the world. Many of us would look at this and immediately condemn it as a false gospel. However, this is not a foreign idea in the Old Testament. In fact, as much as I hate the prosperity gospel, I can see how this mistake keeps happening among biblically illiterate people.

Blessings & Curses

In Job’s day, and all the way up until Pentecost, to be wealthy was to have the favor of God—at least if you were an Israelite. This is outlined in the blessings and curses of Deuteronomy 28. In verse 1 we read:

“And if you faithfully obey the voice of the LORD your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth.” - Deut. 28:1

These blessings included: prosperity in the city and fields, many children, abundant harvest and cattle, plenty of bread, defeated enemies, established holiness and separation unto God, respect and fear of the nations, rain in season, and lending to nations without having to borrow.

Conversely, in verse 15, God warns:

“But if you will not obey the voice of the LORD your God or be careful to do all his commandments and his statutes that I command you today, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you.” - Deut. 28:15

The curses were just the opposite: weak cities and fields, barrenness of the womb, famine, dwindling herds, confusion, frustration, destruction from within, disease, pestilence, drought, defeat at the hands of enemies, the contempt of kingdoms. The list of curses continues three times as long as the list of blessings! All of these things could and did lead to the death of many Israelites, but it they didn’t have to. These curses sent by God were considered death in and of themselves and they resulted in Israel’s disintegration as a nation.

Abundance & Poverty

This was life to Israel: to have an abundance of children, wealth, influence, harvest, cattle, and so on. It was life to Job. He had all of these things. That’s why when he lost everything, his friends condemned him and urged his repentance (Job 2-32). In their minds, Job had done something wrong to deserve the loss of all things. And if he hadn’t done something wrong, it was even worse that God would treat him this way! To lose his children, his wealth, his health, his fields and his cattle was to lose his good name and the favor of God. This was death.

To have tribulation, to have poverty, to be slandered by your peers as an evildoer—this was death to an Israelite. All that remained was to literally die as you were so close to being nothing that you might as well be wiped from the face of the earth altogether.

Job’s wife told him as much:

“Then his wife said to him, ‘Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.’” - Job 2:9

The story of Job completely turns the Old Testament paradigm on its head. But what does this subversion of expectations have to do with Revelation?

I can’t overstate how this is almost exclusively the point of the entire book. But, unfortunately, I can’t jump ahead to the rest of the book to make that point just yet. (Breaking the fourth wall for a moment: I had to stop to take my glasses off and wipe my face cause I started crying just writing this paragraph.)

The Paradigm Shift

During the time of the apostles, the church was undergoing a transition from what the nation of Israel had always known to a new and better reality. The Jews at that time had been sitting under the errant teaching of the Pharisees for so long, they had lost the kingdom plot. Just like with the prosperity gospel, it would have been easy to miss if you weren’t searching the scriptures for yourself.

(Related: Modern Pharisees.)

Imagine their world. The scriptures were not in the hands of every Jew, and scholars tend to agree that only about 10% of the population was even literate in the first century. Average people depended on hearing the scriptures read by religious leaders weekly at the synagogue.

Reading the New Testament epistles, it’s clear to see there was confusion about what this new paradigm was supposed to look like. Neither Jews nor Gentiles were used to such things as tribulation, poverty and slander being a sign of favor in their culture.

Or was it favor? After hearing their whole lives of Abraham’s renowned wealth, Israel’s rise from slavery into a kingdom with leaders such as the conquering David and the wealthy Solomon, to hear of God restoring his people to abundance, victory, and life after Babylonian captivity… To them, this treatment—this was death. Many times even literally as they were marched to the arenas, the guillotines, or into the fire. And how could people who had strived against such a death their whole lives succumb to it now with any sense of security that they had the favor of God?

The Church in Smyrna

So we open to the letter to Smyrna:

“And to the angel of the church in Smyrna write: ‘The words of the first and the last, who died and came to life.” - Revelation 2:8

Christ says he is “the first and the last.”

What meaning do we typically attribute to this description? —Christ’s eternality. We relate this to similar phrases such as his use of “I am the Alpha and the Omega” in Revelation 1. We say that it means he always was and always will be. By no means is this a wrong interpretation, but I want to propose another consideration relating to our idea about what life and death meant to Old Testament Israel.

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The First or the Last

In the parable of the laborers in the vineyard, Jesus used this phrase, “So the last will be first, and the first last” (Matt. 20:16). After speaking to the rich young ruler, Jesus explained to his disciples, “But many who are first will be last, and the last first” (Matt. 19:30). In Luke, Jesus described salvation as a narrow door and ended with: “And behold, some are last who will be first, and some are first who will be last” (Luke 13:30).

There are a few layers of meaning in this phrase, but, for our purposes, it reflects the aforementioned paradigm shift. In context, the passages above center around wealth and influence: the first workers are given the same as the latecomers who haven’t “earned” their right to the same wages; the rich young ruler goes away sad because he is told to give up everything he has—no doubt a move culturally equivalent to giving up God’s favor; and the people in Luke 13 who are turned away by the master of the house have falsely assumed because they have eaten at the king’s table that their association with riches has merited his favor.

See, to be “the first” is to have everything this life has to offer—all the blessings God promised. Sadly, every time Israel seemed to finally lay hold of the promises, they forgot God. They became proud, boastful, and assumed they were walking in obedience just because of what they had and because of their associations.

To be the last is the opposite. After becoming proud and disobedient, Israel incurred the promised curses—that dreaded social death, forfeiting her prosperity and influence among the nations.

Israel would oscillate between being the first and the last for centuries. Between living… and dying.

This is what it means to be first or last. The first have. The last have not. Even if we don’t think of it in terms of living and dying, it’s still the way our culture operates today.

But here’s the horrifying reality: in the eyes of God, we are all last. We’re all dead. That’s because our state before God actually has nothing to do with our adherence to the law or the abundance we experience in this life as a result. So when Christ came preaching that the last will be first and the first last, it’s not surprising that it was offensive to a people who prided themselves on being the chosen ones to whom the oracles of God had been given.

The Tribulation, Poverty & Slander of the Last

So what are the implications of this for the church in Smyrna? The letter continues:

‘I know your tribulation and your poverty (but you are rich) and the slander of those who say that they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan. Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.”

- Revelation 2:9-10

Remember our cadence at the beginning of Revelation? 1, 2, 3. It has continued to show up as we read and it sticks out here. I know your tribulation AND your poverty AND the slander. The church in Smyrna is suffering three particular things. Three things that, in their culture, mean death. Mean God has cursed you. Mean you are the last.

But Jesus reveals that it’s these three things that mark them for life—if only they will endure them to the end. And it’s important to note that there is no condemnation mentioned against this church, which means that they are bearing a good witness and keeping the testimony and commands of Christ. So, in truth, it is not the endurance of these three types of suffering that in and of themselves guarantee their life, but it’s these three things that give evidence of an obedient heart.

And there is a succession to these kinds of suffering. A person who has been saved by God will make a slow walk down to death. First, losing his ease of life. He can no longer fit in with the culture, he can no longer compromise his morals to gain power, influence, health, or wealth. Tribulation becomes his normality. This is followed by poverty. In the event of his upright heart restricting his behavior, he will inevitably lose whatever gains he may have had in this life. Finally, under duress and suffering want—and this is a very important distinction—people who think that they offer service to God will begin to slander him. Accusing him of some sort of wrongdoing that has brought him to this state—just like Job’s peers. Just like prosperity preachers who pin a person’s troubles, poverty, or sickness on a lack of faith.

The Precarious State of “The First”

But, you say, there are many Christians who have plenty, who aren’t suffering tribulation, the loss of their influence or wealth, and are spoken well of by other Christians. And what did Jesus say regarding this instance?

“‘How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!’ And the disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said to them again, ‘Children, how difficult it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.’” - Mark 10:23-25

It was right after the departure of the rich young ruler that he said this. And he followed up by saying “With man it is impossible, but not with God” (Mark 10:27).

So, the rich can be saved. The poor can be saved. Because again, it has nothing to do with social status, but the heart. However, if, as Christians, we suffer none of the three things listed in the letter to Smyrna, we should take great care in examining ourselves to see whether we are compromising with the world to avoid our due persecution.

The First and the Last

This is what it meant to be “the first” or to be “the last.” If any man deserved to be called “the first” it was Christ. “I am the First!” he could have said to us and to the church in Smyrna, and who could protest? But that’s not what he said.

“I am the first and the last, the one who died and came to life.”

Christ suffered these three things: tribulation, poverty, and slander. He died when he should have received the blessings that Israel was promised for obedience. And when he was done dying on earth, he actually died. And this touches briefly on what the end of this letter means:

“The one who conquers will not be hurt by the second death.’” - Revelation 2:11b

Inverting all norms, the one man who should have receive all the promised blessings walked the earth receiving all its curses.

Likewise, Smyrna, even with nothing to condemn, still suffered. Because she was like her Christ. The plight of this church was the same as that of her Savior: she was obedient, she was a good witness, and yet she was dying. Where was her hope?

I Am the Resurrection & the Life

Just as he did to the church in Ephesus, Christ answers this church with who he is.

Remember the conversation Jesus had with Martha outside the tomb of Lazarus? Do you think Jesus could have had the same conversation with the church in Smyrna?

“[The church] said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if you had been here, [we] would not have died. But even now [we] know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.’ … Jesus said to [the church], ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me shall never die.” - John 11:21-22, 25-26 (brackets mine)1

Christ was the first but treated as the last. For any other man, that would have been the end. You were treated as last, you are the last. And even if you thought you were the first and were treated as the first, you are the last, too.

Yet in Christ, all men live. Because he endured being the last and was the first to become the first. He suffered the first and the second death. But he also was the first and only man to obtain the second life. So that anyone who believes it will not be hurt by the second death.

Christ came reminding his church that her death would not be the end. In fact, it was the very gateway to life. Job believed it as he sat in the ashes. He told us as much:

“For I know that my Redeemer lives,
and at the last he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been thus destroyed,
yet in my flesh I shall see God.” - Job 19:25-26

(As a wife and a homeschooling mother of three small boys, I work late into the nights to connect scripture in deeper ways for my readers. All of my theological work is free, but if you would like to support me with a one-time donation, you can click the link below!)

Buy me an Irish Breakfast tea

Of all the strange and interesting parts of Revelation, you may be tempted to skip the letters to the seven churches. On the other hand, this may be the only part of Revelation you have studied in depth because it feels like the only relevant and decipherable part of this cryptic book. If you relate to the former, I promise you there is much more to these letters than what is plainly stated. The symbolism in these letters is as expansive as any other part of Revelation. If you relate to the latter, I can assure you there will be some parallels and cross references in this section that you have probably never thought of before.

In either case, I urge you with the same words Christ repeats throughout these letters: He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

The Organization of The Letters

There are several angles from which I want to address the seven letters—all too much to include in one article or podcast. So, here is an overview of how I intend to organize this portion of the series.

The Basic Components

First, I’m going to start with a chart of the basic components included in each letter. This aspect is very straightforward, so I won’t spend much time reiterating the applications that are readily deduced by a cursory reading of each letter.

The Symbolic Allusions

Second, I am going to tease out the symbolism in each letter and show you how it connects to the first chapter of Revelation, the Old Testament, Jesus’ ministry, and the New Testament epistles. And how the seven letters pair beautifully with another very important set of seven in scripture.

The Chiastic Structure

Finally, at the end of all seven letters, I’m going to draw out the chiastic structure of the text to show you how these letters not only weave together the whole of scripture and tell the story of our redemption individually, but how they all together testify in a way that a book written by mere man could not possibly achieve.

And that is my goal as I write this to you. By the end of this very lengthy exposition I hope to prove to you that these letters tell an impossible story—not only by what is said in these passages, but by what is not said—at least not on this page of scripture; that by their very structure they testify. And by proving this, I hope your faith will be increased by the knowledge that no man could have put this together, and, in turn, you will be compelled to bear witness to what you’ve seen: the Christ.

Speaking of seeing Christ, I do not recommend listening to the podcast only for this portion of Revelation. The included visuals will be essential. I have written extensively on the symbolism in Revelation 1 and nearly all of that will be referenced going forward. Everything unpacked up to this point will be our working vocabulary for the remainder of book with more to be added. If you have not read the previous 9 parts I’ve written on Revelation leading up to this, I recommend reviewing those first. Maybe even making a short list of the interpretation of each symbol up to this point.

With that, here we go!

The Basic Components of the Seven Letters

Each letter contains one emphasized characteristic of Christ, a commendation, a condemnation, instruction, a disciplinary action, and a reward. Here is a chart outlining these components:

I made this chart myself, but I have no doubt you have seen identical charts that list these components. You have heard sermons on the history of these cities and various applications as you assess your own Christian life against the caricatures of these churches. As I said, the familiarity can make this portion of Revelation appear the least provocative in the book.

The Attributes of Christ

The first thing you may notice is that all of the symbols applied to Christ in Revelation 1 are recounted here. A different symbol (and its corresponding characteristic) is mentioned in the greeting of each letter, except the depiction of Christ’s voice sounding like the roar of many waters. (We could probably make an argument for why that is not mentioned, drawing from my previous exposition on water in On The Meaning of Clouds, but it isn’t relevant at the moment.)

We are reminded of these attributes of Christ to not only call our attention back to his full expression of these attributes, but to call attention to how each church relates to that particular attribute.

Each individual church is either expressing or failing to express different attributes of Christ; this is one way we read these letters in a very straightforward manner. However, the number of letters itself has a symbolic interpretation; The fact that there are seven (when there were obviously more churches at the time) indicates that there is an overarching completeness to this set of letters. They do not only represent the individual churches receiving the letters, but together they represent the universal church. And, further, they represent the various spiritual states of each individual Christian.

The Fullness & the Failure

Because the church is in Christ and Christ is in the church, we are one flesh with him. As one flesh there ought to be a perfect reflection of these attributes of Christ in us—the conduct of the church and our individual conduct should match the conduct of Christ. We know that it doesn’t. While he expresses the fullness of what it means to be light, to be salt, to be perfect as God is perfect (Matt. 5:48), all these things we are commanded to be, we fail. Yet, as we read these letters that apply as much to the universal church and our individual lives as they did to the churches they were delivered to, we should be encouraged that instruction and discipline are part of each letter—meaning that all who hear these words of Christ are being treated as children of God (Heb. 12:6).

Our failure is not our death sentence if we heed his instruction and discipline. That brings us to our first letter.

The Church in Ephesus

“To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: ‘The words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand, who walks among the seven golden lampstands.” - Rev. 2:1

The One Holding the Stars & Walking Among Lampstands

The greeting of this letter highlights Christ as the one holding the seven stars and walking among the lampstands. We have not covered lamps or lampstands specifically yet, but we have covered stars and fire. (You can review those in Revelation 1, parts 9 (stars) and 8 (fire): This Little Light of Mine and And God Saw.)

To summarize, the sun represents God, the moon represents his law as it was dispensed in the Old Testament, and the stars represent the people of God—specifically, the prophets. (In the New Covenant, we are all prophets speaking to the world what God has said in his Word.) The stars are the church represented in the heavenly realm.

When we pivot to the earth, the light source is fire, which is contained in lamps. Both the heavenly lights and the light source on the earth serve to illuminate so that what is hidden may be seen and judged with clarity.

Light denotes witness. When you are full of the Holy Spirit you both have the clarity to see and judge righteously (to witness in the sense of seeing) and act as a vessel through which the light shines (to witness in the sense of giving evidence of something).

While we tend to operate as wandering stars and cracked vessels, Christ is both of these things perfectly. He’s exposing and judging by the light of his word all that is happening in his church.

Now, having reviewed all of that, light is not actually the theme of this letter to Ephesus. The theme is what results from the light: fruit.

Toil & Trouble

Christ commends the Ephesians for their toil—a word that takes us all the way back to the garden.

“To Adam he said, ‘Because you listened to your wife and ate the fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.” - Genesis 3:17

Toiling isn’t someone just clipping rose bushes. No, that’s tending. That’s what was lost in the garden. This is really breaking a sweat to survive. And it’s how the Ephesians were unwittingly spending their time.

‘I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary.” - Rev. 2:2-3

It sounds like the Ephesians have been reading the sermon on the mount:

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? So every healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.” - Matthew 7:15-20

Note that the Ephesians are really toiling over false teaching and purging the church. They can see the bad fruit of false apostles, but they are failing to recognize their own lack of fruit. Good fruit means both the good works of an individual and the growth of the church among the nations. Bad fruit means false works of an individual and false converts.

The Cursed Fig Tree

Consider another tree named in scripture:

“On the following day, when they came from Bethany, he was hungry. And seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to see if he could find anything on it. When he came to it, he found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for figs. And he said to it, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” - Mark 11:12-14

Jesus didn’t curse the fig tree for having bad fruit—he cursed it for having no fruit. It fed nobody.

The problem is that working solely to get rid of the bad fruit is not enough to be a faithful witness. That’s baseline, that’s just your get out of hell free card—if it were even possible to get all of the bad fruit out. But suppose you were to achieve purging all the bad fruit from the church and from your spiritual life. Then what?

Toiling to get the bad out is a universal experience and it produces a poor witness to the outside world of what life in Christ is really all about. Sure, the church is theologically sound, but it’s no good to have good theology and no fruit to show for it.1

Cut Down

The next day the disciples found that same tree and noticed that it had withered. Jesus also told a similar parable in Luke 13:6-9 of a fig tree that bore no fruit and was under threat of being cut down if it was found in the same state the following year.

John the Baptist used the same language rebuking the Pharisees in Matthew 3:7-10.

It’s the same disciplinary threat the Ephesians are under when Christ says:

“If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.” - Revelation 2:5b

If you aren’t bearing fruit, you’ll be cut down and burned. If you aren’t shining the light, there’s no use in a lampstand.

Bearing Fruit in Keeping With Repentance

But taking a step backward, what exactly are the Ephesians commanded to repent of? The result is a barren tree and a poor witness, but let’s back up a bit:

“But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.” - Revelation 2:4-5a

And look at this word calling us back again: fallen.

What does it mean that they abandoned their first love? Does that mean they forgot Christ altogether? No, they were obviously working hard to please him.

In reality, the Ephesians forgot how they loved at first. Love does not consist in merely subtracting undesirable qualities. It consists of adding what is desirable.

Too often we reduce our religion to a list of things to avoid. Talk to any Roman Catholic and you’ll see a religion of endless rules regarding the things we must remove from our lives to achieve personal holiness. But true Christian love sets us free to bear good fruit.

What is good fruit?

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” - John 14:15

And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” - Matthew 22:35-40

“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” - Romans 13:8

The greatest way that we love God is loving others. And the greatest way we love others is to bear witness of Him.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” - Matthew‬ ‭5:16‬

Within the church, this means doing good to one another in the plethora of ways described in the epistles—like Ephesians!

How do we make God known to the world?

Tell them.

“The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and whoever captures souls is wise.” - Proverbs 11:30

This is what the Ephesians forgot. Tell them with your life, with your love for the brethren, with your words, and, yes, even with your purging of bad fruit. But there won’t be any fruit in your life and the church will not increase if you are too busy navel-gazing at what all is wrong with you and wrong in your church. Do we not trust that God is sovereign to purify his people? To purify us?

Eat & Be Satisfied

Finally, the letter concludes with the promise of reward for the repentant:

“To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.’” - Revelation 2:7b

Even in the conclusion we are brought back into the garden, where the choice to toil instead of rest was made.

“I Am the True Vine”

This brings us to the other set of seven that pairs so beautifully with the seven letters. I wonder if you’ve seen it before now—the title of this article was your hint. These letters perfectly align with the seven “I Am” statements of Jesus recorded in John’s gospel. For every failure in his church, Christ answers with his fullness.2

(Let’s add a couple more columns to our chart:)

So how does Christ answer the plight of the church at Ephesus? More importantly, how does he answer our tendency to toil in vain?3

With a vine:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”

- John 15:1-11

If we are ever to address the problem of a poor witness and a fruitless tree, the only thing we can do is abide. Where strivings cease—in Christ.4

“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!” - Psalm 34:8

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Buy me an Irish Breakfast tea

I can’t help myself—I’ve always loved writing music. It was, perhaps, the first thing I loved to write starting at 11 years old. And I want to share my art with you as much as my theological articulations. I hope you can find a spark of joy in hearing something more personal from me.

Each of these songs were written for two of my best friends—one that I lost and one that has withstood the test of time and distance. The former was written a few weeks ago and the latter 15 years ago.

Every song in my repertoire has been written, arranged, and produced by me from my bedroom closet on my homespun label “Inner Room Records.”

If you are so inclined, please add my music to your playlist on your preferred streaming platform and share with friends. It’s a small way you can support my art and my written work. You can find links to these two new singles below.

Thank you for continuing to read All Things Testify.

Love you all,
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Straw Man on Apple Music

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One Year on Apple Music

One Year on Youtube

“To the woman he said, ‘I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.’” - Genesis 3:16a

In pain, Christ brought forth the children of God. His body was broken to bring many sons to glory. His body, the sacrifice, gave life and bore the fruit of the Spirit in those who abide in him.

In our curse, we are blessed. In our curse, we identify with Christ in a way only the woman can. We are given a picture of what he endured, and how he labored, for the joy set before him.

In pain, we bring forth children and are reminded of Christ. We embrace the sanctification that the living sacrifice of motherhood works in us, beginning with the breaking of our bodies, and it draws our eyes upward. We bear the fruit of the flesh and reflect on the fruit of the Spirit.

In pain, we deliver children into this physical life. How much more Christ when he endured the cross for the deliverance of sinners into the kingdom of God!

As the first birth, born of water and of blood, so the spiritual birth—the blood of Christ, the water of baptism.

All things here below testify of the saving work of Christ. It is no less true in the curse of the mother who brings forth her offspring in pain and, yet, with joy.

To my three boys, whom God uses daily to break my flesh and build my spirit.

I started to ponder the fact, every time I said it, that I could not trace the precipitous repetition of this phrase back to a moment I consciously decided to undertake “the habit of fortitude.” Perhaps it was the moment I downloaded a relatively expensive app and started trying to rebuild a morning routine from scratch.

In any case, I look back on April and think, yes, I did work on personal fortitude. And I use that term in the most feeble sense possible. Some people endure pain and sickness with fortitude. Some people show great mental fortitude under stressful situations or occupations like law enforcement or men in combat. Me—I’m just working on actually getting the chicken carcass into the crockpot and making broth out of it instead of getting too overwhelmed, leaving it on the counter and throwing it out the next day. I’m working on putting the laundry away once I’ve folded it. I’m working on baking something to serve my Bible study guests twice a month.

Half-Way

Mr. H calls me “half-way.” “Half-way strikes again,” he says when he finds crumbs still on the counter after I said I wiped them down, or when I leave the dry goods on the counter after putting away the cold groceries, or when he finds a dank load of laundry in the washer three days later. He has learned to laugh it off and finish the job or watch me fly into an apologetic fluster as I finish it myself. But this is the kind of 21st century fortitude I’m work through.

It’s pathetic, but I’ll come to my own defense here. The other day I caught myself pondering out loud: “How am I supposed to teach the school, plan and shop for groceries, clean the house, write the posts, cook every meal essentially from scratch, bake all our bread, wash the clothes, play with the kids, tend the garden, volunteer at church, keep up with my friends…”

None of this is unique to me, but I do find it overwhelming to the point that I cannot finish most things in one go. It feels pointless to finish things when they will need to be repeated within, if not within less than, one day.

So, as I said, somewhere in this fog of incomplete tasks, the notion of fortitude emerged. I guess because I realized I was going to need it if I was going to be making all our food from scratch. You can’t quit half way on a loaf of bread. Technically, you can but it causes mental strife cause you know you’re a spineless goose and then gastrointestinal strife cause you have nothing to eat and you end up taking your half-way fanny out for Chick-Fil-A again.

It also helps build domestic fortitude learning that L-cysteine is a common ingredient in commercial breads, and if it’s not made from ground up duck feathers or hog hair, it’s made from human hair.1 Don’t shoot the messenger.

It’s okay to just start

So, did I succeed in building this habit? I rarely succeed in building habits. I can go strong on something for weeks and then quit one day. I recently did that with exercise. It was the smallest commitment of five minutes of movement first thing each morning. I did it without fail for three weeks in a row. Then I packed up and left for a short trip out of town and never did it again.

Committing myself to tasks with fortitude was no different. But I have found myself making little choices each day. Even if it’s just one thing that I stare down and say, “I can do that.” It still doesn’t mean I’ll finish, but isn’t getting started the hardest part? Yesterday it was taking five minutes to prune a few elderberry canes that have been infected with spindle worms. I didn’t finish, but I have always found it adequate to live by the FlyLady’s motto: “Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family.” If it weren’t for that mindset, I’d never start.

End of April Inventory

Here are some exertions I made in this spirit in the last couple of weeks:

The April Garden

The tiny spring harvests started coming in, the first being a handful of cilantro for a yogurt sauce. Followed by a few pea pods every day that I’ve been shelling and collecting in a freezer bag.

I noticed a couple of days ago that the elderberries are starting to come in—at least on the canes that haven’t been hollowed out by the spindle worms.

The April Kitchen

I made a salad for the first time in ages. This one was for a friend’s meal train, but I knew it was going to be outstanding so I bought extra of everything to make us one, too. I even made homemade balsamic vinaigrette! My oldest tried it and could not stop raving about how much he loved it.

My youngest is turning three in a couple of days, but we celebrated a little early. I really did not want to buy a pre-made cake from the store this time, but the early celebration caught me by surprise. I wasn’t prepared to do anything complex, so I threw together a chocolate cake at home and just melted a few chocolate chunks on top and served with a few more sprinkled on top.

And this was not an accomplishment, but it is something I like. I jokingly call our fridge “recession chic.” The other day Mr. H commented on how empty it was, saying, “We have no food!” I corrected him saying, “It’s great.” He asked for clarification on that and I explained, “It’s empty because we have eaten everything in it and there are no leftovers that have been forgotten or gone bad.”

I love being able to see everything we have, keep a few bulk ingredients (lately I’ve been really into putting pecans on everything) and seeing how many ways I can put those few things together. (Note: The fruit and vegetable drawers are not included here, so we do have a little more than what appears here.)

Other April End of the Month Accomplishments:

• Another few quarts of home fermented yogurt

• Two loaves of white bread from scratch

Today, I fell asleep three separate times and ran the dishwasher. That was all I could bring myself to do. So, today, my exercise in fortitude was just finishing this journal entry.

Tomorrow will bring a different wave of mental stimulations and who knows which way that will turn the tides of productivity. I’m ready to surf or sink, whichever comes next. But it will probably be somewhere… half way.